White Boy/Black Girl

July 15, 2024
In this candid debut, married couple Adaeze and Chad Brinkman share “some of the more difficult conversations we’ve had about race” and the lessons they’ve learned. Detailing an incident early in their relationship, when Chad made an inadvertently offensive comment about Adaeze’s headwrap, the authors stress that hurdles can “draw you closer together” if both parties are willing to listen and grow. They describe how Chad’s parents were initially averse to the relationship, but changed their minds after spending time with Adaeze (“It takes a willingness to stay in the fight even if you get a little bruised”), highlight the importance of supporting each other’s interests and cultures (Chad watched Beyoncé’s Black Is King with Adaeze even though he didn’t totally “understand” the film), and provide such practical suggestions for white partners as consuming more diverse news, music, and television. Their dual perspectives draw out the nuances of interpersonal interactions—including gaps between intent and outcome—and reinforce the overarching theme that white people should make an effort to understand their loved one’s experiences while acknowledging they’ll never know what it’s like to live in their shoes. For those looking to become better allies, it’s a valuable resource.